I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
