Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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