and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I currently don't understand fingers.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
