I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This house was built for laser tag.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
