i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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