Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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