i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
