my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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