I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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