we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
