She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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