I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
