I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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