There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
