So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
