I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
