SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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