true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
