He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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