just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
