If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
