Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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