shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
