But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
