college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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