I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
