Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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