ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
