how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
