That's intense
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
