just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
