i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
