So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
