woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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