well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
