Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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