Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
