Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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