I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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