this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
