My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
