No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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