Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
