I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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