I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my being single is dangerous.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
