If i come over, it means nothing
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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