when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
