i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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