You're my little dorito
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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