I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
